To protect and serve II

Son to police officer:  Excuse me, but my mother just crossed the road when it was a red man

Police Officer:  Should I give her a smack?

Son:  Yes

To protect and serve

Son:  When you sing it turns the air toxic.  The song police are going to arrest you and hit you with sticks.

Me:  Is that what the police do?

Son:  Yep

Punch and Judy has a lot to answer for

Murder most foul

Son:  I don't think that I'm going to murder anyone

Me:  Why?

Son:  I don't like blood

Me:  As your parent I feel it's important to point out options to you - ever thought of poison?

Son:  Hmmm...

War games

Son:  I've just found a new game to play at school

Me:  Is it a game you're allowed to play at school?

Son:  No, but it's only an obstacle game about dodging things

Me:  like bullets?

Son:  and missiles....

Demon drivers

Me:  Needs must when the devil drives

Son: What sort of car does the Devil drive?

Off topic - but needs to be said

http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2012/may/24/academies-refusal-pupils-special-needs?fb=native&CMP=FBCNETTXT9038

This really does piss me off to such an extent that I feel a Michael Douglas 'Falling Down' meltdown on the horizon

Time after time

Son: I'm building a time machine

 Me: Where are you going to?

 Son: Back in time 

 Me: Ok, any time in particular 

 Son: I'm going back to all my bad days to change them to good days 

         Did you have any bad days at school? 

 Me: Yep, but none that reached quite the epic porportions of yours 

(I refer you to the bill for reattaching the quiet room door)

Homework....... or not

Son:  I want to show my teachers all the work I've been doing over the half term

Me:  Have you done any work over the half term?

Son:  No

City of Angels

Me:  I've been to Los Angeles

Son:  How did you find it if it was lost?

I'm talking to you stupid...

Son:  I took a look at the neighbours bonfire and it appears to have diminished  [PAUSE]  that means has got smaller

I can only imagine that I looked confused with the use of a three syllable word.

Appropriate heroes

Me:  That mustache makes you look like Hitler

Son:  What's wrong with that?

In the beginning....

Someone told me that I should start a blog....

Write about things that your son says she said......now either she think that my son is brilliant or she is trying to stop me talking to her about things my son says - I suspect the latter.  

So blame her, this was her idea.

To son:  What does adopted mean?

Son:  It's when children's owners take them to an orphange at night and leave them on the doorstep.  Then they knock on the door and run away