A Royal Favour

Me:  What do you know about Charles II?

Son:  He was a party animal.

Are we there yet?

In the car...... at the end of a monologue....

Son:  and it hit him right there, you know, where men pee from..... the peeeeeeeenis

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Son: Shall I put the radio on?

Me:  Oh yes

Do you wanna be in my gang?

Son:  I'm going to start a gang with my friends at school

Me:  What's it called?

Son:  Don't know

Me:  What are you going to do?

Son:  Don't know

Me:  Who's going to be in it?

Son:  Don't know ..... I know, it's a bit of a problem

Oh, how we laughed...

Son:  I was guffawing

Me:  Guffawing?

Son:  It means a really big laugh ......... what are you doing Mummy?

Me:  I think it can be best described as guffawing.

Kills all known germs...

Son:  I have PE today so I've put some detergent on.

Me:  I'm hoping that you mean deodorant?

Son: Yep

message in a bottle

Son has been set a creative task to write a message in a bottle for homework (creative writing for autistic kids - beg's the question  WHY??? - it's like pulling teeth)

Me:  You've not written much

Son:  It's a small bottle

Look after the pennies...

Son:  Did you know that Britain is in debt? (with the 'b' pronounced)

Me:  Do you know what debt is?

Son:  It's when you owe money that you can't pay back.

Me:  Are you in debt?

Son:  Of course not, I'm a boy I don't have to worry about money.

Me:  Must be pretty good being a boy.

Son:  It is really ......... apart from school

The Naked Truth

Son:  You nearly saw me naked Mummy - lucky I kept my socks on!

Leeroy Jenkins

If I had a daughter instead of a son I would never have known what this means.  

I could have lived quite happily in ignorance

Ahoy Ahoy!

Is it a bad thing that I allow my son to field all junk calls on the telephone?  PPI, British Gas, Virgin - they've all had lengthy discussions with said son - usually with him asking, 'Are you trying to sell us something?' until the person on the other end hangs up in despair.

Hat's off though to the Labour Party who hung on in there - always have their eye on the potential voter of the future....

The fairest of them all

Me:  Are you looking at yourself in the mirror?

Son:  Yep

Me:  Like what you see?

Son:  Pretty much

The great white hunter

Son:  I'm going to practice my hunting

Me:  You don't want to hunt animals do you?

Son:  No ... I'm hunting people

Send her victorious

My son asked me this morning what all the fuss was about over the Diamond Jubilee.  

As he wouldn't appreciate the, it's an extra day off work sentiment I told him that it was history in the making and he would remember this time when he was older.  It's crap, but you know, when they ask a question you've got to come up with some kind of answer.  

Unfortunately for me I can remember the Silver Jubilee, dressing up and wearing a crown made of milk bottle tops.  His response?  What's a milk bottle top?  

I think I just aged 10 years in a single conversation.